Pô, Burkina Faso, 2 December 2011. Not since the Treat of Versailles have the political lines of European countries experienced such a sudden arbitrary and material change. At this time foreign heads of state calmly speculate that Germany’s loss of the Rhineland and the annexation of Belgium, Luxembourg, and The Netherlands by France are not expected to result in any escalation of military maneuvers. The loss may be most acutely felt by lovers of Belgian endive and chocolate, as well as connoisseurs of the Rhine Valley's spätlese.

This crisis that began in Europe quickly spread eastward reaching as far as the Caucasus, Korea, and Thailand. The creation of new territories in Eastern Europe and, indeed, through out Asia resulted in speculation that Russia and China may require an updated census of their populations. And what led to this vast and immediate change of frontiers? Experts in the region of Southern Burkina Faso believe that the change was brought about by 45 charming women of Pô’s Maison de la Femme. Experts suggest that a poorly led lesson in sixth-grade art techniques may have contributed to the problem. Others suggest that a strong narcotic cough medicine also may be the source of some confusion. The PC denies all responsibility.

In other breaking news, Africa gains several new nations in a sweeping reform of borders not seen in over 50 years. The unilateral re-drawing of borders leads many to suggest that cartography is not to be taken on lightly or unadvisedly. Further, the failure to recognize Southern Sudan comes on the heels of an already tense situation in eastern regions of the continent. Meanwhile, leaders in Uganda and neighboring Rwanda are expected to remain in close contact while the African Union addresses the concerns of many of its members.

While the crisis comes on the eve of negotiations regarding an important luncheon of Nassarachide sauce, talks are expected to continue with no changes in the luncheon menu or location. An unnamed source indicates that official names for the new countries remain under close scrutiny and discussion and are confidential at this time. However, some speculate that the designations of Bibattastan, Pôland, and Katerinistan will follow in the not so distant future.

Reasons for the current confusion remain unclear, though many speculate that this week’s frenzied bottling of 60 liters of liquid soap may have contributed to the misunderstanding. Finally, in what can only be called an irrefutable sign of global climate change, the Mediterranean Sea was completely lost, resulting in speculation that near east powers may seize the opportunity for expansion of their territories.

With the upcoming week bringing a formation on the making of hard soap, skeptics question whether this tenuous situation will be resolved anytime in the near future. With the intoxicating aroma of shea butter in the air, political experts pose the question: Will clearer heads prevail in the rollback of old borderlines? We can only speculate.